Martha’s Gift. Maybe.

Even the most faithful grapple with why God would let tragedies happen. We ask, “If He is a loving and merciful God, why?” Catholic doctrine and scripture, both Old and New Testament, give many compelling explanations. Despite knowing what the arguments are, strongly believing in them, and having great faith, it can still be very troubling to make sense of the senseless. We would not be human if we were not in doubt of the reason for unexplained tragedies. Especially when they strike close to home.

Recently, a family very near to us had such a tragedy. Martha, who had a history of mental illness, and had all the proper medical care her illness warranted, took her own life. For many years, society has stigmatized the Martha’s of the world. And some still do. Suicide is wrong. It is hurtful to so many. How could someone ever do that to herself, her friends, her family? And the Catechism of the Church teaches that we are to be good stewards of the life that God gave us and that “suicide “is gravely contrary to the just love of self.” (CCC 2281) It is. And we struggle to understand.

The Catholic Church teaches that all tragedies result in the glory of God. When Jesus’ friend Lazarus died, Christ famously said, “This illness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God.” (John Chapter 11:4)  God shepherded the Jews from four-hundred years in slavery for his glory; He led them across the Red Sea “dry shod.”  And, of course, for the Catholic community, which just celebrated the Exaltation of the Cross, Jesus’ resurrection is the ultimate example of horrible suffering and tragedy that resulted in the glory of God.

When it was clear Martha had serious mental illness, the family did all it could to make sure something terrible did not happen. In addition to making sure Martha got the proper medical care, they altered their behavior to try and protect her. They did not travel without Martha. Or leave her alone for any significant periods of time. They encouraged her to move closer to them. They went out of their way to find things to do with her. They genuinely got more involved with and focused on her interests. Things seemed stable. Her death was a shock.  

Naturally, the family was constantly worried about Martha even though “worry” is a woefully weak word to describe the family’s concerns. Dread, fear, stress are better but still inadequate. It was constant. No relief. Painful. And resulted in the necessary and radical changes the family made. But Martha did take her life despite all the care and the love. How could she hurt herself and her family so? And we struggle to understand.

But maybe Martha viewed her death as a gift.

Clearly, Martha had serious mental illness—and did not see the world, nor think about it the way most people do. She was obviously confused. Internally. But she seemed to love her family and friends. And maybe, through the lens with which her mental illness forced her to view the world, at this point in her struggle, Martha felt that the pain she was causing her family, and clearly herself, by living, seemed worse to her than the pain that she would cause by dying. Martha’s family does not live in fear, dread, or on pins and needles, any more. It goes without saying that their hearts are broken and that they would rather her be with them, even with the pain, in this world. But maybe Martha didn’t see it that way. Maybe Martha freed them, and herself, from pain and anxiety in the only way she believed she could. At least that might have been Martha’s perspective. We can never truly understand Martha’s way of thinking. But we can give her the benefit of the doubt. And understand as best we can.

Maybe this “maybe” is a wish of a faithful person struggling to make sense of the nonsensical, the unexplainable. Regardless, the truth will never be known in this life. But we, who believe in Jesus Christ and His gift of eternal life, believe in God’s infinite mercy and love. And Martha deserves ours. The Catechism confirms this, saying, “We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for ( ) repentance.” (CCC2283)

Through Christ’s death on the cross, which he suffered because of his infinite love for us loved us infinitely, we were freed from sin and death. And maybe, just maybe, Martha viewed her death in the same way. An act of love. A gift of freedom. And if an act of love, to her way of thinking, we can be more confident, not certain, that she rests with Jesus in paradise.  And we can pray, to the God that hears all prayers, that Martha’s maybe becomes a certainty.

Show a Little Faith.