Man Up, Tea Cups 2: Doing It the Smart Way

In “Tea Cups 1”, I talked about the need to have some guts.

It is very easy to say: “Take a stand,” “Do the right thing,” “Man up,” “Have some cojones.”

But it is not always easy to do. But you can learn “take a stand.” With confidence. And it gets easier over time.

Let’s face it. We are all working stiffs…we have to make car payments, pay rent, buy groceries, maybe send little Mia to soccer camp. These very real life concerns can cloud the spiritual dimensions and push us in the direction of the road well-traveled…the easy way out. And the off-color jokes continue, the high performing offender keeps his job, the loan officer backs down and the customer is impacted.

As with all risk/reward decisions, there is a wrong way and a better way. The better way, the smart way, takes some of the personal risk off the table.

Here are a few examples from my a long list of examples I have to choose from.

Standing up to the Man

When an intimidating credit officer wanted to use a regulatory definition in the wrong way—a move that would have made it harder for my client to get banking services—I didn’t take my shoe off, pound it on the conference room table and shout “you can’t handle the truth.” Keep in mind this gentleman was 5-6 levels above me and one of the top seven officers of the bank. And I was a new employee!!!

Before challenging this guy, the “smart way” is to make sure I knew what I was talking about. I did, in this case, know very well what the regulatory definitions were. Step two in the “smart way” is to be respectful. “Mr. D, I think the regulatory definition is thus and such.” When disagreeing to a superior, you should speak in a deferential way. This was a public setting!!! And Mr. D is number five for a reason, even if he is incorrect in this instance. He deserves the respect. Step three is to take this discussion off-line, out of the meeting, so as not to challenge, and potentially, embarrass, Mr. D. in public. Or yourself for that matter. Facts, deference and being considerate. Challenging the man in a smart way worked and I was able to make sure my customer did not get unfairly categorized.

What’s Right is Right

A second example involved our shared values logo, which was a multi-colored, rainbow-like design. We were accused of having an “agenda.” “You wouldn’t want to bank with that kind of company, would you?” many of our competitors said in ridicule. Even some employees were embarrassed about wearing the “rainbow” pin. But the leaders of the bank wore the pin, consistently promoted the program and carried on. We had no “agenda” other than to treat everyone the same and promote a common culture. If others came to a different conclusion, so what? And wasn’t being tolerant of all the right thing even if that wasn’t the initial intent? In this case, “manning up”—the smart way—meant rolling with our shared values logo, quietly and proudly going about our business, and sticking with it despite what others thought. We didn’t force it but we didn’t retreat in any way.

You can say, “Dave, you were the boss. Doesn’t that make it easier to take a stand?” Yes and no. Yeah, the boss can do whatever he or she wants. But if the boss does it wrong, or takes an action in the wrong way, he or she risks “losing” the staff from a leadership perspective, which can erode what the leader is trying to achieve as a company. A mistake along these lines can also be culturally disastrous. There is no question taking a stand is easier for the leader but it is not without consequence and still needs to be done thoughtfully. Besides, even the leader has a boss: cusoners, shareholders, the board, etc. As Bob Dylan said, “You’ve got to serve somebody.”

Decisions with Big Consequences for the Leader…

Finally, when a leader is dealing with a human resource issue such as discrimination or sexual harassment, the facts are paramount and they are not always clear-cut. This means finding out what the facts are before you do anything rash. UNLIKE the credit officer situation—which you can read and learn the regulations—all performance issues of this type are unique and involve two or more individuals. But LIKE the credit officer issue above, you need to know the facts from both points of view. And then some. That’s the smart way.

It is really important that you do not assume. You found some smoke—a harassment complaint, say—but you don’t know where the fire is and have to have an honest process for figuring that out. In your fact-finding, you need to talk to both sides, objectively and with an open-mind. In the end, the leader needs to do the right thing even if it hurts the short-term performance of the company. If the facts lead to the firing of your best sales person, so be it.

…but when you are the victim?

Again, the above advice is easier if you sit above the fray—although not without legal, cultural and precedent risks if done wrong--and are trying to resolve the issue.  But what if you are the person to whom the innuendo or advance was directed? Or was the person uncomfortable with the racial jokes being told at the watercooler? Manning up / womaning up is much, much harder.

Some words of advice. Talk to people. Your family. Your rabbi. A friend. Other folks can give you a perspective on the seriousness of the situation. But that person needs to be someone you trust and someone that knows you!!

Second, do not let the situation fester. That will greatly impact you both mentally and physically. If something happened, deal with it, one way or the other.

Third, as hard as this may be, if you are the victim, it helps to think about your colleagues. You may not want to take this on for yourself—although you probably should--but maybe you can find the courage, and it takes a lot of courage, to deal with the issues for the long-term benefit of others.

Finally, do not be intimidated. If you are right, you are right. For me, I believe that God has my back. So, I am more inclined to not be afraid to take on these kinds of issues. Maybe that works for you too.

Summary

Doing the right thing is not always easy. You have to know your facts. Be respectful and considerate. Realize that there may be more than one way to approach a resolution. Be persistent and strong. Seek help from others where possible. Do not be afraid. (David and Goliath comes to mind.) Have the courage of your convictions.  And, finally….

Show A Little Faith.